Dear Black and Orange,

I was not able to attend last years soccer banquet or Benny's - and strangely it worked out the same this year...
I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset about those two facts. Oregon State was so much more than just a school for me - so much more than just four and a half years...it was a community - a family - and the fact that I was never able to fully bring closure and say goodbye and thank you to such an integral part of my life saddens me. Yet, the beauty of life is that it is ever changing, ever challenging - it is the years I wish to bid farewell which helped me realize these truths...and the future which I run into with the passion of a fall football Saturday...

Boys and girls enter,
Four years,
Sometimes five,
Who knew it would hurt,
To lose not only a game,
But a family,
Who knew the joy,
That could follow the blow of a whistle,
Coaches' reach far beyond their knowledge,
Administrators touching lives with or without words,
Morals cemented,
Knowledge rooted,
Dreams realized,
Then dashed just as quickly,
Friends we embrace,
Others we mourn,
Men are built,
Women bloom,
Four years,
Sometimes five,
A blink of an eye,
Men and women leave,
Beavers.
For life.

I sit in my office on a Friday morning - wondering what it would feel like to have sat in the auditorium of the LaSalle-Stewart Center.
I would have looked around at the faces, mostly younger and unfamiliar with the same thought going through my mind - appreciate this moment, cherish your experience.
The Freshman - caught up in the production
The Sophomore - wondering if and when they can go out afterwards
The Junior - Familiar to the program, their attention grabbed only when a fellow student-athlete is interviewed and/or when they realize that their seniors are NOT going to be back next season...
The Senior - Bitter Sweet. A chapter that is so instrumental has closed, they feel more bitter than they do sweet as they finally realize that after this night the likelihood of seeing their teammates, their brothers and sisters is very slim...did it really go that fast?

And that is when the tears start to well up, like mine are now. I sit at a computer on a Friday morning at work, my eyes seeming to be cleansing themselves from the words of the Wall Street Journal...What I would give to be there, to be able to smile and look around at my fellow Beavers, and think to myself, "Enjoy it - cherish it - it goes by too fast - don't take your teammates and coaches for granted - respect every person - think twice before you think of yourself before your team - because one day you will wake up and realize that you are not part of a team anymore - and that feeling is so undeniably scary that you will cry. To my kittens, my coaches, my fellow student-athletes, administrators, boosters - my friends...I thank you for the tears streaming down my face as I type - because they are much louder than any other words..."