You don't realize...

...how much you need to get out of the city until you actually get out. Of course I am not speaking to YOU but in general, and mostly directed more so at myself. I can't believe how much I was stressed out...my context was all messed up. My foundation, my life a bit scattered. It took a dear friend of mine Damian to invite me to his home in Westchester County, about an hour on the train into upstate New York to then understand that I need to make it a point for me time. I have not had me time much here in New York. Whether it is the mere fact that I live in such a small place, with a lofted bed that I don't just plop down, read, write - light a candle and relax. For some reason I feel like I have to get out of my house to do any type of activity...for some reason my apartment doesn't feel like home anymore...

Being at Damian's, by the pool, with his friends, home run derby, bbq and patio furniture reminded me so much of home that I just ended up taking naps on the porch couch! I was so comfortable that I felt so inclined to just take naps, wake up, help clean, play some cards, drink a beer and then take another nap...it was beautiful - with tons of green, water - I mean, now I understand why people commute an hour into the city...you just need to unwind sometimes. And I really needed to...

Then tonight after arriving back into the city I took off once more - to Jersey City this time. I finally went to go see Todd's place, hang out and he cooked some tasty chicken / salad and rice...with homemade guac and chips...it was nummy! His apartment is still being worked on, but his wonderful taste for antiques and refurbishing furniture makes his place very eclectic - very homey in a bare way...we had chips and guac on the floor as he has no furniture yet, then for dinner just as the sun was setting and lighting the skyline on fire we had to light candles for light (no electricity, lamps etc...) and had a wonderful dinner...for desert I brought cheesecake from the famous Junior's and we went to the rooftop and ate cheesecake while watching fireworks and chatting about life in New York.

The last few days have been good for me to just understand myself a little bit. Too step away, outside of myself and just reflect - meditate a bit on why I am here. What I want to accomplish, who I want to meet, and how long I want to be away from my homeland of Oregon.

Time will tell - I just pray that I don't feel scattered for much longer...